(Wo)Man of the house

How is it that men find it so easy to assert their work and contribution in the family more than the women in the family?

For a man to be the ‘man of the house’, he only needs to go to work and earn a living. To be valued somewhat equally in the same household, a woman needs to earn (at least for her own needs), cook, take care of the constant needs of the kids, do the laundry, take care of doctors’ appointments, call in the plumbers and electricians and cleaners, handle the maid, and execute all the other never ending tasks. And still a woman could have to prove her contribution to the family time and again. And all the proof a man needs for his massive role in the household — “i pay for this”.

I want to better understand how men can feel so proud of themselves for making a cup of tea, once in a year, for their wives. With wives having to bolster their sense of achievement by appreciating them in front of their friends for making her that damned cup of tea, that one time. While let’s not forget, women cook every day for the whole family, even guests. And it is passed over as her job.

Let’s also not forget that women who don’t like to, or choose not to do the every day work of the house, are often made to feel guilty by the men in the house or the society at large.

When i face or see these things in the society, i grapple to understand how much feminism has actually penetrated the households of India, if at all. Even strong, educated, and well read women find it hard to balance out the equation and speak up about it. I’ve seen vocally feminist women feel guilty for having employed help for cooking and not being able to cook themselves.

The years of conditioning of women to be submissive, and be homemakers, and be primary caregivers but not receivers will take a lot of conscious work to be washed off completely. For true equality to prevail such that being the population doesn’t end up feeling guilty for their rights.