The Walls

Walls, they take a long time to build.
My walls are colourful.
They’re coloured by words,
ugly, sometimes angry words.
Some beautiful words – lies.
It is coloured by indifference.
Actions. Reactions. Broken promises.
Each brick carefully placed
For walls, they take a long time to build.

Walls, they build like plants grow
You can’t tell the day or time they sprouted.

Walls are sometimes weird,
you might not even know they’re there.

Sometimes, you need someone to care,
for you to know you don’t want it.
sometimes, you need to be told , ‘i love you’
for you to know you’re scared of it.
Sometimes, you need someone to get close,
for you to know your walls are keeping them out.
Sometimes, you need a great knocking
for you to know your walls keep you safe.

Don’t ask me to tear these walls down,
I’ve built them so meticulously.
For walls, they took a long time to build.
Just know that there’s a reason
my walls don’t have doors.

Cyclone Nisarga : the terror

I am terrified. I am anxious and I dont know what to do with myself. Just a few days ago, West Bengal was hit by a cyclone. Cyclone Amphan. It left behind many a deaths and a lot of destruction. Houses were destroyed.

Mumbai, for the first time in a long long time, is awaiting its cyclone. I am living in Mumbai, and I am scared. It is supposed to hit today, at 3 pm. It has been raining since morning. We can notice the rain intensify every hour. It was drizzling at abpout 8 am. Very light drizzle. And it has constantly intensified since.

We have a leaking roof. It always leaks when monsoon hits. Since we live on the top floor of our apartment, water collected on the terrace comes trickling down our window. It has started leaking again. To prepare for the cyclone, that is said to last for a few hours, three hours precisely, I have filled in water bottles and our big water container. I wanted to get candles as well, but its Corona time, and shops are either shut or too crowded.

I don’t know what else I can do to be prepared. But honestly speaking, I am more worried about the crow sitting on our neighbour’s window. Cawing incessantly. I’m scared for the many cats on the streets. I was told nature will take care of them etc, but I don’t believe a word of it. I’m scared for the people in chawls. The people without homes. Or homes too weak to protect against the rain and the wind.

Meanwhile, my cats, Morty and Loki are quite enjoying the weather. It has been very very hot in Mumbai for the past few weeks. It has cooled down a considerable amount since last night. They like it. It gives them a chance to cozy up next to the window.

Morty 🙂

I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t worry too much. I am to make biryani for lunch. I think I will go prepare for it.

(Wo)Man of the house

How is it that men find it so easy to assert their work and contribution in the family more than the women in the family?

For a man to be the ‘man of the house’, he only needs to go to work and earn a living. To be valued somewhat equally in the same household, a woman needs to earn (at least for her own needs), cook, take care of the constant needs of the kids, do the laundry, take care of doctors’ appointments, call in the plumbers and electricians and cleaners, handle the maid, and execute all the other never ending tasks. And still a woman could have to prove her contribution to the family time and again. And all the proof a man needs for his massive role in the household — “i pay for this”.

I want to better understand how men can feel so proud of themselves for making a cup of tea, once in a year, for their wives. With wives having to bolster their sense of achievement by appreciating them in front of their friends for making her that damned cup of tea, that one time. While let’s not forget, women cook every day for the whole family, even guests. And it is passed over as her job.

Let’s also not forget that women who don’t like to, or choose not to do the every day work of the house, are often made to feel guilty by the men in the house or the society at large.

When i face or see these things in the society, i grapple to understand how much feminism has actually penetrated the households of India, if at all. Even strong, educated, and well read women find it hard to balance out the equation and speak up about it. I’ve seen vocally feminist women feel guilty for having employed help for cooking and not being able to cook themselves.

The years of conditioning of women to be submissive, and be homemakers, and be primary caregivers but not receivers will take a lot of conscious work to be washed off completely. For true equality to prevail such that being the population doesn’t end up feeling guilty for their rights.

Audiobooks equivalent to reading?

Audiobooks have become my latest favourite form of reading. Gone are those days when I used to commute for hours to go to work, or have idle mornings, or an evening tea break; all of which included a book in my hand.

As time passes by, we tend to become really busy. Being a married freelance designer now-a-days, my days are full of work and cooking and cuddling the pets. But my love for books hasn’t died. I may not have the time to read all the books I want to, but books still excite me and give me major FOMO. That’s when I found out about audiobooks. I knew about them, obviously, but I did not know if they were for me.

The very first audiobook I listened to was Harry Potter. Of course. 😀 I love Harry Potter and I love Stephen Fry. It was magical. I would listen to it all the time. While cooking, eating, bathing, working, before bed, almost all the time. And I loved it. Absolutely loved the experience. I always liked being read to, and now I did not have to ask my husband to do that for me, I had Stephen effing Fry!

I went on to listen to the whole HP series, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt, Born A Crime by Trevor Noah, some Jane Austen, and Murakami’s Kafka On The Shore. They were amazing. All of them.

You know what the best part about the audiobooks were for me? I would sometimes miss the tonality of a statement while reading. The sarcasm or the jibe. But in audiobooks, it cannot get clearer and easier. Books, because they come from various places have a different cultural context to them. When Trevor Noah uses Afrikaans in his book, it is a hurdle for english readers like me. The pronunciation. How the hell does one pronounce an exclamation mark?! But in the audiobook version, Trevor himself pronounces these for you and you just go with the flow of the whole thing.

On the downside, there are so many narrators who just don’t click with you. I was heartbroken when I couldn’t listen to Michelle Obama’s narration of Becoming for more than a chapter. It felt so slow. I downloaded that book purely out of my love for the woman. And I thought I’d finish the book in a day, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t concentrate when she was reading. Such a bummer!

Another pitfall is when someone walks in on you listening to the book and starts talking over the book! Argh! It is so irritating. I have to shush them, then pause the book, then ask them to continue. And once they’re finished, go on to rewind the book and start again.

But all in all, I think audiobooks are pretty close to reading. I retained all the information a book had to give me. It’s like a friend telling you some fresh gossip or something. You remember everything. And I finished many more books that I would’ve, had I been reading the physical copies only when time permitted.

An advice for people starting with audiobooks – give yourself time. Like you pick up speed by the time you are towards the end of a book, you’ll get so much better at listening to the books. You might have to rewind many times during your first book or the first chapter of the book. But eventually, you get used to the accent, the speed and the characters, and then there’s no going back.

Do you listen to audiobooks? How’s your experience been?

Does reading make you sensitive?

I was in a random bookish discussion with a friend the other day and this question just snaked in my mind. And I began to think about it.

As I started to think about all the books I have read, I realised a few things.

I have experienced things in the books. Things that I haven’t experienced in my real life (and obviously don’t want to experience some of them). For instance, best friends committing suicide. A close friend committing suicide is one of the most common events in YA books. Some describe it at length. Some focus entirely on how the person’s life changed completely by that one event. Death, in general, has been described ‘beautifully’ in books. The sense of loss… does that make one sensitive to suicide?

Some other books describe lives of people from different perspectives. The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho is a fine example. For those of you who haven’t read this book, it describes the same event of a woman’s life through the eyes of different people. And each person has a different point of view about the same event/action. Some call her an angel, some call her a witch.
Does a book like this make you sensitive to other people’s situations?

Does it make you more sensitive to relationships and the society at large?

Tell me what you feel in the comment.

 

Review: Turtles All The Way Down – A Must Read

Books that talk of mental illness have a special place in my heart. I cannot really say why, but books like Perks of Being a Wallflower, Norwegian Woods and now Turtles all the Way Down will probably always be on the ‘books I can read over and over again’ shelf.

Turtles All The Way Down, the latest by John Green was a brilliant read and a bloody fast one too. But before everything else, here’s a confession that I need to make: I have never read a John Green book before. So I won’t be able to tell you how the book compares with the other ones.

Turtles is the story of Aza, a girl carefully named for her father wanted her name to cover all the alphabets. Like most young adults, she has a best friend, Daisy, and a crazy love story going on in the background. Her love story with Davis Pickett has a mystery angle to it as well, in which Aza and Daisy go on to look for a runaway billionaire which has a promise to make them rich. All these stories run in the background of the central theme: Anxiety.

The book has an overall philosophical tone to it, which gets a little over-the-top sometimes. But otherwise when you’re done with reading and you lie on the bed thinking, it all makes sense. This is a book that makes you wanna think, really.

Among the many reasons as to why you should read th book, the prime one that strikes me is this : the characters are real. The people in the book are so real you’d think you could really meet one of them in real life. For instance, Aza has a car named ‘Harold’. Yes she has named it and she has a relationship with the car as if it were a person. Her emotions with the object are real. We all know at least one person who has real relationships with objects.

Another thing that’s commendable about the book is John Green’s knowledge about other things. Animals, stars, medicine, tech and so many other things. It is amazing to read so many new things.

This is a book you shouldn’t give a miss. It is a must read. Young or adult.

Oh and, the cover is beautiful.

Book: Turtles All The Way Down
Author: John Green
Publisher: Penguin Random House, UK
Pages: 286 (Hardcover)
Rating: 4.5/5

Sad Modern Lover

It’s sad to be a lover today.
Our letters are mails,
Our calls, texts.

I wish I loved you back when
letters were the real deal.
I’d keep all of them safe, and
wouldn’t fear them getting ‘deleted’.

I would’ve smelt them,
for your beautiful hands would’ve touched them.
I would’ve traced each word with my fingers,
for your heart must have whispered each phrase.
I would’ve kissed them, thinking I’ve kissed you,
for you must have spoken the words out loud.

And I would’ve held them close,
thinking I’ve embraced a part of you.

It’s sad to be a lover today.

5 Superb Women Authored Books You Could Start Reading NOW

Firstly, I am not a huge fan of ‘Women’s Day’. Sorry if that bothers you, but women and men and other genders are all amazing and fabulous. And women are superb beings. And one day is just not enough to celebrate a woman.

Anyhoo, here’s my list of the awesome women authors you have to read. HAVE TO. Women are rad, but these authors kick ass! A few months ago, or maybe last year, I don’t remember, I got down to reading only women authors. Specially coloured authors like Alice Walker, of course Angelou, Octavia Butler and the likes. Then there was Katherine Stockett, our very own Sudha Murthy (I love her!), Louisa M Alcott, Sylvia Plath, the very rad Sandberg etc etc.

So what happened when I read women authors for about two months. I felt somehow more confident, happier and proud. Being a woman, it is so good to read stories about other women. And if you’re someone who thinks that women stories are all about their ranting and are sad depressing stories then oh you’re so mistaken.

So without boring you to death, here’s my list of the amazing women authors you could start reading right away.

1. The Colour Purple by Alice Walker
I read this on my Kindle, but oh I so want the physical copy of this book after reading this. It is a book I could re-read. It is a classic. I will not give you the synopsis of the tale, but I will tell you this… The story will make you feel miserable and will then set your spirits free. The relationship between Celie and Shug Avery is what you should look out for.

2. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Like women who don’t follow no rules? This book is going to introduce three marvellous women to you and will leave you with a laughing heart. And what’s better, the villains and the heroes of the book are both women. So no man-beating here. It is a fast read.

3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
I cannot explain this book to you, you gotta read this wonderfully poetic and powerful book to fall in love with Angelou.

4. Pinjar by Amrita Pritam (Hindi & Punjabi)
Pinjar is a heart wrenching tale of Puro, that puts forth the harrowing situation of women during the Indo-Pak partition. What’s amazing about the tale is how Puro embodies the injustice and the frustration it accompanies with it, and yet, like most women she rises from her ashes only to find immense strength and courage in her. Read it for the marvellous storytelling of Amrita Pritam.

5. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Most of you must have read this already, but if you haven’t, please, please do. And if you have, this is a book worth a re-read. A story of a mother and four little women, struggling through the trials and tribulations of the Civil War. Everybody loves the March family, and I swear you would too.

So go ahead and read all these lovely books. Thank me later!

I Don’t Miss You

If you’d ask me whether I miss you,

I’d say I don’t.

But just sometimes, when I’m looking at the setting sun,

My eyes well up —

And my heart aches for your presence beside me.

But, no, I don’t miss you all the time.

I’m being honest.

Just sometimes when I’m ready to run away from everything

I think of your arms, that I’d want to call home.

But I really don’t miss you,

For life’s busy and life’s fast.

Just sometimes, when time is flying by —

            I close my eyes and hope to see you smile.

Book Lover’s Struggle No. 1

Who hasn’t faced THIS? Every person who loved reading has faced this never-ending struggle of wanting to read soooo many books, but alas, life gives us only 24 hours in a day and a person gotta earn! Damn Capitalism!

Designed by crafts.delhi

I am working on a Thursday series that shows the struggles of a book lover. And the struggle is real! Share yours, so I can try and illustrate them.